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The Damage We Are Doing to Ourselves
Dec. 31st, 2004
08:28 pm - if I am alive this time next year
Busse's going to kill me for not posting more, but the power cord on my laptop killed itself, and I didn't get my hands on a new one until today.
Nothing much at all has occurred. Well, a fair amount has, actually. A lot of things have happened since I left Louisville; people have changed a lot, and I've done things that don't bode well towards future friendship. A lot of things have become clear over the last few days: there are some breaches I can't mend, and most of the damage I've done I can't repair. If anything, I can only ask for forgiveness, but I don't even want to be that presumptuous. All I can really do now is stand here, and if people want to walk away, I don't blame them.
Other than that, what else. I'm not sure if I have New Year resolutions. I have goals, at least. Get my t-shirt thing going. Join the Gotham Knights Rugby team. Get in shape. Figure out this entire college thing.
I'm not sure if I'll be at Parsons next year; probably not, I'm thinking. If this semester doesn't go well, I'm going to transfer, probably to SCAD or RISD. I'm not sure where I'd rather go more. SCAD, probably, because it actually has a specific Sequential Art program.
But I'm getting the lonesome feeling again tonight. And I should probably try to get how I feel about it down. Here's something I wrote to my mother one night I didn't sleep, a little while ago. ( My whinings follow. )
Anyway, this entry is probably mostly for me. Now I've got to go write a letter.
Mark
contemplativeDec. 26th, 2004
08:56 pm - He Ain't Heavy....
Also, 
Thoughts?
07:55 pm - Reject the Tyranny of Pants
My dad keeps mocking me for not wearing pants. Dude, it's winter break!
Anyway, I'm trying to find things to do over the break. It's kinda tough, given that I don't really have a car now, and the roads are still kinda shitty. Mainly, I've been sitting around and watching Strange Brew and Arrested Development with my brother. Last night, my brother, sister and I got into the hot tub, which was awesome, given how freezing it was. The not awesome thing was not being able to find my normal bathing suit, and having to wear the tiny white snake-skin print speedo my brother bought me as a joke 5 years ago. Also, keep in mind that I am a fair site larger than I was 5 years ago. It was pretty bad.
What else...Christmas was good. We all woke up late, opened gifts late (due to shipping mishaps, my gifts will be mostly arriving on Monday, which is fine), sat around some more, then headed down to Doe Valley to see my dads family. It was just a nice family Christmas. It's really nice, actually, this is the first Christmas we've had at home since mom's problem, and everything's going really well. Nobody's freaking out, and everybody's just really happy to be with eachother. My brother, his friends and I are all going to see Life Aquatic today. I'm just feeling very good with everything.
***
I just got back from seeing "Life Aquatic." It was the bomb. I'm off.
amusedDec. 24th, 2004
11:28 pm - Is There Life on Mars?
Ohhh man.
So I'm home now, after a really crazy day of flying; my brother and Gina Portelli picked me up from the airport at like 3:30 this morning. I spent the night on Gina's couch, which was surprisingly okay. Went home and ate, constantly, until getting embroiled with a religious debate, with me and my brother on one side and my dad on the other. It stayed pretty-much civil and okay, except I realized that every time a person who's openly religious does something nice for me, I assume they're just trying to get God points.
Buuuut anyway. I'm tired right now, but tomorrow, after all the festivities, I think I'ma call Busse and see what the plans are. I'm HOME! Call me, whores.
goodDec. 17th, 2004
02:30 am - It Seems So Far Away
I'm not really "drunk," per se, just vaguely tipsy. God DAMN but do I love Magic Hat Beers. I'm this close to dropping out of school and starting my own microbrewery, because I'm slowly becoming a fucking HIPPIE.
What else is new. Everything for school is basically finished, so I'm planning on ending every day like this- slightly buzzed. I just have a few little things to do.
Mmmm, warm. Gonna shower with a beer and go to bed. Ta.
drunkDec. 16th, 2004
04:14 am - Exterminate the Whole Human Race
That's all I got right now. Finals own my ass.
Dec. 12th, 2004
04:14 pm - Good-lookin' fella, but he's lookin' kinda thin.
Sigggh.
Not a sad sigh, I'm just tired.
I went out to Roosevelt Island today with Kristin; I'm thinking about maybe trying to get a place out there next year. The commute would be a bitch, but I'd have about the same one if I was in Brooklyn or uptown. I found a place on there last week that was a 5-bedroom, and worked out to be around $850 or so each, which would be awesome, if I could find 4 other people to live there. Kristin has to stay in housing, Steve might not be here next year...Well, I've got half of a year left to figure it out.
Anyway, I've got a shitload of work to do. Perhaps I'll get started.
Or take a nap.
drainedDec. 10th, 2004
06:46 am - This is not what college is for.
Ha, MELANCHOLY. Deal with it fuckers! It's the 24¢ version of "sad!"
But anyway, yeah, when I stay up all night, it should be because I'm studying or having kicks. Not because every time I lie down, I'm seized by a horror which crushes my heart in an icy grasp. Every 20 minutes or so tonight, I'll just start having a panic attack. So I got out of bed, wrote an email to my mom, and then sat online, wondering what the fuck is wrong with me, while listening to sad bastard music.
I'm not going to get into this shit here.
melancholy03:52 am - Whooooooooo
Guess who missed class AGAIN today? Shit yeah, mofos! School can't hold me!
Anyway, last night, I though a lot of stuff through and decided, if I still hate it here after next semester, fuck it: it's time to reconsider my options. Maybe I'll go home and see if I can start up a store or something. It would be fun, at least, and I could probably get my dad's family to invest.
Anyway, yeah, skipped class, woke up at 4. I now officially have A Problem. However, I've got no problem with delicious Newman's Own Virgin Lemonade. DELISH.
Anyway, one more day and I can put this shitty, shitty week to bed.....only to have another week of shit! HUZZAH!
It looks like I'll try to schedule out this weekend, soooo:
Friday, after class- Do laundry, transfer 2-D project to illustration board, make copies of works for Art History, note information on flashcards.
Saturday- Wake up by 11, paint a bit on 2-D project, look over flash cards. Go to Roosevelt Island with Kristin (hopefully I'll live there next year).
Sunday- Write English paper, paint more on 2-D project, look over flashcards.
Monday- Study flashcards, maybe paint some more.
Tuesday- FUCK that stupid TWO-D PROJECT IN THE ASS! FINALLY.
amusedDec. 9th, 2004
03:25 am - I'm a man who needs someone, a woman to hold.
I think I should set up my mood to always be set to "apathetic"; I'm pretty sure it's my default setting.
Anyway, did anything interesting happen to me today? Not really. Because I didn't get up until 5 pm. I skipped my classes and just slept for about 13 hours. I got really depressed around 3 am or so and just decided, fuck it. I'm not even sure if I'll be here next semester.
Because I've been kinda depressio lately. There's just a lot of shit to get done, and I'm really, really tired of all of it. Last night, I had to do a 6 by 6 color treatment of this image I made; it's sorta weird, but I was trying to paint it, and suddenly realized, hey. I fucking HATE painting. I'm not an art kid! I can't deal with color! FUCK this shit! My entire life, I've been trying to do stuff that I have no natural ability at; see playing the violin, drawing, etc. Now I'm in fucking ART SCHOOL, and I despise it. I've realized, now, that I really don't want to make websites. I don't know what I want to do, but I'm pretty sure I don't want to go to school for it. In fact, I'm pretty sure that all of the people I respect the most didn't go to school for their specialties. Jim Woodring was a garbageman, I seriously doubt Ennis and Ellis went to school for writing comics, nobody who's making awesome websites now went to college for it.
I just want to go back home, get my old job at Lynn's back, maybe make some t-shirts, etc. Or maybe get an English degree or something. I don't want to try anymore.
Speaking of t-shirts....
Futon Livin'!!!
Take Me Down to the Hospital
I Miss You
Midnight Special
Death to Everyone
We Don't Vote With Ballots
Enjoy them, bitches. Maybe one day I'll be making cash moneys off of them.
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